I am in a relationship now, and that is something I either would not or could not have said out loud for many years under a wide variety of complicated criteria. It is a new concept, and a pleasant one, simplifying life through complete transparency. As I look back on a million people I have come to know, I'm not sure how the bad ones sleep at night disguising facts and figures as subtle half-truths. My head feels light and airy on the pillow, with nothing to hide from the world.
Likewise, it is both a powerful and a terrifying thing to look at someone and know they have all of you. It requires profound levels of unconditional trust, and that's how trust must work. It puts your fate in someone's hands, and hopes they are gentle with it. It makes you feel out of control, and you either decide to be okay with that or end things now, recognizing a loss of basic fundamentals. The reality is that no external forces can affect levels of trust between two people. Trust is something decision-based, solidified and broken by two people unto one another, and in the midst of this process - testing the waters and feeling and being - you certainly do not have to lose yourself along the way.
I'm not sure what all this means or where it goes. I couldn't tell you what the prospects are or how far I could potentially fall. These are the risks we take with relationships and it comes down to the simple question of what we are prepared not to do based on an array of factors and expiration dates and what ifs that may never happen. I live my life, and have for awhile, in spite of these factors or fears. You do what you do with the person who makes you feel no one else exists and you spend time with the person who keeps you up at night stranded in isolation amidst your thoughts. Whether I look back and curse myself or pat myself on the back, I would not do much differently starting the end of 2013.
I traveled with my girlfriend - another odd word for me - around East Africa for New Years, and thought back on the Hemingway quote that said something about the need to travel with a women to really know her. Not many people have traveled with their girlfriends in such places, and that is something worth remembering. It all wasn't simple, but it was good, and that is the range of life these days. Good things do not have to be simple, but in fact can rip us apart and put us back together.
Likewise, it is both a powerful and a terrifying thing to look at someone and know they have all of you. It requires profound levels of unconditional trust, and that's how trust must work. It puts your fate in someone's hands, and hopes they are gentle with it. It makes you feel out of control, and you either decide to be okay with that or end things now, recognizing a loss of basic fundamentals. The reality is that no external forces can affect levels of trust between two people. Trust is something decision-based, solidified and broken by two people unto one another, and in the midst of this process - testing the waters and feeling and being - you certainly do not have to lose yourself along the way.
I'm not sure what all this means or where it goes. I couldn't tell you what the prospects are or how far I could potentially fall. These are the risks we take with relationships and it comes down to the simple question of what we are prepared not to do based on an array of factors and expiration dates and what ifs that may never happen. I live my life, and have for awhile, in spite of these factors or fears. You do what you do with the person who makes you feel no one else exists and you spend time with the person who keeps you up at night stranded in isolation amidst your thoughts. Whether I look back and curse myself or pat myself on the back, I would not do much differently starting the end of 2013.
I traveled with my girlfriend - another odd word for me - around East Africa for New Years, and thought back on the Hemingway quote that said something about the need to travel with a women to really know her. Not many people have traveled with their girlfriends in such places, and that is something worth remembering. It all wasn't simple, but it was good, and that is the range of life these days. Good things do not have to be simple, but in fact can rip us apart and put us back together.
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